Hello friends!
In a recent comment, someone asked why I'm being so quiet. Don't worry, there is nothing wrong. My pregnancy is fine. I'm having a girl. I'm building a relationship with the adopting family and rebuilding one with my own. Josh and I are surviving albeit hanging on a thin thread. He's getting ready to leave for boot camp and of course he is adorable with a shaved head.
Our problems have made me begin to reaize that maybe Josh and I won't be together for life as I thought. God it's a horrible thought, but I need to be a realist. I was talking to this woman at the library and she was telling me about her high school love. She was telling me that so few high school relationships work out in the long term because we aren't completely mentally mature yet. We change. Sometimes we change in such different ways that a future together becomes impossible.
I see that happening with Josh. He is changing. He's not as outgoing as he was. He is withdrawing from me and hanging out with different people. Military people. He always said he would wait for me to graduate and join him, but then I hear a friend of his make a comment about all the women around the world he will meet. Why would he want a small town girl like me? Why wait for me? The one thing I refuse to do is keep my baby in an attempt to keep him. That is retarded. I'm not that stupid.
I love him and I hope he sticks around for the long term. He brought me flowers yesterday, so maybe I am worried for nothing, but it sure seems to me that a relationship that began in 9th grade lasting forever is really a long shot. I don't want to end up standing there looking stupid in the end. So I must face reality.
The baby is my saving grace at the moment. Her pictures are so cute. I'm no longer concerned about the weight gain because I am starting to see a little shape to my belly, her shape. It's incredible. I just keep rubbing her and talking to her and letting her know that I love her. I'm writing out a letter to her that at some point I will post here. I love her more and more each day. I asked my counselor if that was a warning sign, she said no, that is it completely normal and to keep doing it. So of course I will.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
wow. You're going through a lot at 17, my 17th year seems kind of a blur now but the choices you make now will effect your future, and whatever choice you feel is right is most likely the right choice. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
Gretta xx
Looking beyond the fact that you used the word retarded to mean something derogatory, I'm sure your daughter will find it absolutely wonderful that you thought ANY reason for keeping her was "mentally challenged."
It's really so sad. You have so much to offer that child.
What I meant by that comment is that I do not believe women should have or keep babies to keep a man. I am worth more than that and if not Josh, there will be someone someday who stays with me because he loves me and he wants to, rather than feeling as though he has to.
If I offended anybody by the word retarded, I'm sorry.
Also, why not use a name when talking to me? Why anonymous?
Missed you!
you can change your settings to only allow registered people to post. thats what I had to do on my blog to avoid the anonymous cowards who so freely give unsolicited advice.
Post a Comment