The end of another year and the beginning of the last

School is out in less than a month. I am so glad that this year is almost a part of my history. I will be so glad when I will be able to throw up in my own house without worry. I know that soon I won't be able to keep this a secret, but I hope that when I am outed, I will have my plans for adoption sealed in concrete. I hope that they will view me in some ways as responsible because I chose not to keep that appointment I made for an abortion, that I went on my own to Bethany to research the adoption option and that I've found a family for my baby, that's it's not the end of the world. That we'll all survive, that my sister and I will always be close, even though I've kept this secret from her. We are twins. Will she really understand? Will she forgive the fact that she's questioned me time and time again because she felt something was wrong, and I looked her in the eye and told her that everything was ok. Will my parents for give me? Will God forgive me? In so many ways I am scared *******. I've gone too far to turn back now. At times like this, I hate myself.

I hope next year is better than this year.