I've Got A Secret

I wanted to write more about my "secret." Yes, I'm pregnant, as obvious by my previous posts.. but I wanted to write about why its a secret, who its a secret from, and how I got here.

I am in the 11th grade. I wasn't expecting to get pregnant.
It just happened.
Sigh

I know, I've always laughed at statements just like that. How can it just happen? You know how it happens? Yes, Brooke, I know how it happens. But for me, it just did. I am that idiot that you always roll your eyes at. The girl who doesn't know how it happened.

I wasn't on the pill at first. In fact, I didn't even plan on becoming sexually active, but it happened and it was unexpected. I love my boyfriend, Josh. He means the world to me. I wasn't one of those girls who feels it necessary to fit in, or to keep the guy, or any of that. I was just me, and he was just him, and unfortunately, that, has led me to where I am today. Explaining my secret.

So, soon after it happened, I went to planned parenthood to get on the pill. No, I couldn't go to my parents. I love them to death, but I couldn't tell them this. Seriously, my parents are great people but they aren't the most understanding when it comes to issues like this. The nice lady at Planned Parenthood walked me into the room where I would be asked a ton of questions and also be given a routine pregnancy test, just in case. I sat there fiddling with my hands, my feet. Shifting my leg from one side to the other, answering the questions all the while looking over my shoulder, so scared that someone I knew would walk through the door. Soon, I found myself peeing in a cup and waiting in the waiting area. The nice lady comes back, brings me back into the private room and at this point I remember feeling so much relief, I hadn't seen anybody I knew yet, I was almost home-free. Almost.

"You're pregnant."

"I'm what?"

"You are pregnant."

I am surprised I didn't fall backwards in my chair. I can't even recall what happened from there on out. All I remember is leaving, and instead of with a package of birth control pills, I had pamphlets about healthy pregnancy, teen pregnancy, abortion and adoption in my hands. I was really shaky and I didn't want to go home. I called Courtney, my best friend, and she met me outside her house and said I could stay the night there.

So that was how my secret began. Only Courtney and Josh know. Nobody else. I couldn't tell my parents. I'd be on the first bus out of town to some maternity home, somewhere far far away like you see in the old movies from the 60s.